AAJI

Today, 4th July, 2015, 4.45 am she breathed her last. Her body was motionless, her blue veins had stopped pumping in blood, her saliva dipped mouth was open, her pink broad lips had a gap, her feet were as cold as ice and forehead was as warm as a hot pot of rice, her breathe which had a foul smell just few hours back due to the long hours of sleep had ceased, her black watery eyes were still shut with no hope of opening up. She passed away in her sleep. Her brain seemed to have paused long back but her heart was still beating for someone. Her brain and heart fought. They fought to stop working together. Her brain stopped commanding her body on Friday evening, but the heart knew it has to go on. It has to keep going at least till its mistress does not meet her beloved people for the last time.

Her body was not responsive but her heart made sure she responds to her son’s voice, her daughter-in-law’s emotions and her little granddaughter’s love.

The monsoon night on 2nd July, her Eighty year old body was weakened. She had a neck sprain and severe headache. She was in pain but did not complain. Her young granddaughter helped her in every way she could. The young lady gave here medicines, held up her soft hands and pressed her Aaji’s small head. Both were talking on random things. The lady made her sleep, not knowing that it was the last conversation she was having with her Aaji. The Granddaughter had no knowledge that she was making her Grandmother sleep for the last time. All she wanted was her Aaji to sleep peacefully. And indeed she had a peaceful sleep for the rest of her life.This old Lady was an Iron lady as known by her friends and relatives. She had a heart of Gold, a body of Steel, a brain of an Almond and a soul of a Moon.
She had a holy and rigid personality which was adored by all. Everyone used to be in pleasant awe to see this blissful lady swaying from this place to that while working. She would work with a broad smile and there was a sparkle in her tiny black eyes. Her fair skin tone would make her stand out in her youth. A young married woman in 1950s with a divine aura was the Goddess in herself.Held from a small village in Belgaum, Karnataka, she was the eldest of three children in the family. That bright, handsome child took care of her younger siblings like her own children. As destined, her mother succumbed to disease, following with her middle sibling,a brother, and her father shortly. She was left with the youngest sibling, a sister, in her life. She had no close people and moved from one relative to another till she turned little older to have her own family. She was married at a young age to a good looking, respected man elder to her by a decade. Being really kind and generous in nature, she was loved by everyone in this new family. For the first time, she was delighted and blessed with lot of people in her life. This was the beginning of heartwarming relations between families and she served as a true blessing.She never belonged to an affluent family but she had wealth of a great soul with her. She was blessed with enormity of kindness, strength and love.
Patience being one of her many qualities, she had been waiting for a child who can provide her the happiness of motherhood. She had been waiting patiently over a decade, without complaining and visiting every temple she could. Yet, she never stopped to be always giving to other people. It had been over a decade and she was a complete woman now. She had received a gift of womanhood and she promised to nurture the same. Her son, was as intellectual as she was. But in looks, his mother always had an upper hand. The boy grew up with attention from all the people in his small world.
She was all contended in her life when she received yet another blow. She lost her caring husband when she was barely in her thirties. She would have collapsed, but she opted to stand tougher with her feet rooted deep into the earth. She stood up for her young kid. Studied only till 7th Grade, she had no scope to work in then progressing world. But she was a courageous lady. She was supported by her affectionate relatives. She did few odd yet respectable jobs to earn some extra bucks to support her child’s education. She knew how difficult it was! Indeed difficult but not impossible. Stood upright through all thicks and thins, she didn’t know that she was setting an example for all the women. Her loss of husband was followed immediately with a heart condition which was a life and death’s question. There was something amiss with her breathing and a heart condition was detected. She had a hole in the heart. That came as a shock to her. She was horrified. There was only one option, to get operated. She had less time in her hand and even lesser time to take a decision. And she made a decision. Earlier apprehensive to go ahead with the operation, she took a leap of faith and an open heart surgery was carried out. It was a success. She felt stronger than ever before.She raised her only child with all that she could give. Her son got married to a beautiful girl. Her daughter-in-law had soft features and softer nature. This mother-in-law knew the sorrow of a newly wedded woman and she made sure that she becomes the mother to this new child in her small family. She took care of her and fulfilled all her wishes. She went to an extent in caring for her, without thinking twice about her own self. The new girl returned the love with the same warmth. Few years down the line, the family of three was blessed with a gorgeous baby girl. This baby became her life. Her grandchild was everything to her now. She was joyous and contended in seeing her grandchild grow in front of her own eyes. She would made her play in her hands and sleep in the lap, she would remain awake for hours if her granddaughter was ill, she would fight with her own son and daughter-in-law to take her priceless doll’s side. There was no end to this happiness.

It was 2nd July, 2015. She was lying on the soft bed. She could feel the warm, young hands pressing her head. She could feel the love of her grown up granddaughter. She could feel the care her baby girl had for her.

Her eyes were shut, body was frail, mind was tired but her heart was pumping. She wanted to have a good sleep. She was happy. She was contended. She was grateful to God and to her life. She neither had complaints nor any regret. She knew things are done and story must end now.

She was a child again but this time the mother who was making her sleep was much younger than her. And she loved this mother more than her real birth giving mother. Her eyes were shut. She slept peacefully. And she escaped into the beautiful dreams.

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Embarrassments and Mars… (trust me both has a connection)

Today’s topic is embarrassment, why? Because I screwed up. And big time!

Wouldn’t tell you what exactly happened, don’t wanna give you sadist pleasure of having the last laugh. But yes, people did laugh, I was flushed with red, blue and black feelings. I would rather discuss the after-math here.

They were laughing, I knew there was no way to cover up, I tried, I really did, but couldn’t. How did I epic fail? How do I always land myself in such witty situations? Couldn’t let go of these thoughts. Am I an idiot? Or everyone is, at some point? Today I realized one ugly fact, no matter what, refrain from overthinking and acting within 1 second window of your foolish thoughts. Its ok to let go of things not under your control, I know I can’t go back right now and make things alright. I know the instances couldn’t be reversed, I know what is done is done and gotta live with it (plus ya, go back to same people the next day, shit scary and even more awkward). But do I have an option? Not really, I still know I need to turn up tomorrow as the sun rises, see those people in the eyes even when I know they might not have smartest of thoughts for me, I know I might have to spend my near future with them while they would be giggling and making jokes on me during lunches. But again, do I have an option? Nope, not really.

Perhaps, I am overthinking as a legit female. Have you thought on this, we always want to be puuuurfffecccttt all the fucking time. like seriously?!! I screwed up because I wanted to be as good as they are, because I didn’t believe in myself that I am fine the way I am. This correlates to the mistakes…what can I say, when even Satya Nadella in the year 2014, created a  huge blunder with his not-so-acceptable comment on Women’s pay in Women’s Tech Conf. Things like this give us temporary satisfaction. I am still figuring out how to be ok with not being ok and if I can dwell on the fact of things sometimes will go out of hand, because you are either trying to lose complete control or over control.

Only if I could channelize this ultra powerful energy of excessive overly thoughts in going to Mars, I would be able to hop, skip and jump to various planets. With experience, memories and age (not sure) comes wisdom, they say, to accept oneself and grow with it. OSIRIS_Mars_true_color

A (flight) miss here and a break (up) there

Have you wondered how things can quickly go wrong? I woke up with a heavy head today, got panicky and nervous for so-called-silly reasons, rushed out to the airport with a to-do list in the head, missed my flight (well, for not-so-obvious reasons) and broke up after dating for four “decades”. What more possibly could go wrong today?

I was annoyed sometime back and now all is humorous. I realized how you let go of things that you can’t consider accountable for, the nerves in your head loosen up. Things happen, and will happen, no matter how much you want them to or not to. But the dots always connect. Perhaps, I have been so stressed lately, I have forgotten to live in the moment. My thoughts are taking me as far as missing flights, blah!!

Still waiting for to board a new flight. Hopefully I will get one with bigger leg space.

Point of Origin

Past 10 years I have been writing on my life, thoughts and surroundings. It has been a very personal journey. Honestly, I write about simple things in life, the earnest joys and the happiness that comes along, the nasty facts and saddening incidents and their after effects, unbiased observances over biased situations and lot more.

There’s something I believe in, something big, something better, something more worthy. Life, a calculated risk, is eternal and purely beautiful which requires to be polished to make the most of it everyday. Counting every day a blessing helps you to be yourself. Like these, there will be much more insights in my upcoming posts.

I will also share the extracts from Diary which greatly influenced my life in the past. The lessons my first breakup, being average in studies, commuting by a public transport, career decisions, losing the most beloved person to death taught me to look straight and high in life, without leaving the hands of the most valuable people behind. Kindness and generosity dwells in the soul, money and power causing the blindness.

Summarizing my life would be :

I am strong because I have been weak,

I am brave because I have been afraid,

I am wise because I have been foolish.

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